Over-Functioning During the Holidays: Why Boundaries Matter More Than Ever
For many, the holiday season brings joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for others, it also brings a quiet sense of dread—not because you don’t love your people, but because you’re already stretched thin. The thought of coordinating schedules, hosting gatherings, managing expectations, and meeting everyone’s emotional needs can leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and even resentful.
If that resonates with you, you’re not alone.
In a recent episode of the Relationship Truth: Unfiltered podcast, Leslie Vernick and Coach Diana explore why so many women over-function during the holidays and how learning to set healthy boundaries can bring renewed peace and clarity.
🎧 Listen to the episode here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relationship-truth-unfiltered/id1625730181?i=1000737081988
Their conversation offers rich wisdom for navigating the holiday season with intention, grace, and emotional health. Here are some of the key truths they highlight—truths that can help you love others well without sacrificing the well-being God has entrusted to you.
Boundaries Are God’s Design, Not an Act of Rebellion
Many people struggle with the idea of boundaries because they fear it looks selfish or unloving. But Scripture paints a different picture. God Himself set boundaries in creation—dividing light from darkness, land from sea. Boundaries reflect His nature of order, peace, and purpose.
When you set limits around your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth, you’re not withholding love—you’re practicing faithful stewardship.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23
Healthy boundaries protect the space from which your love, joy, and service flow.
Love Without Boundaries Isn’t Love—It’s Control
When you can’t say no, your yes eventually becomes hollow. Love rooted in fear—fear of disappointing others, fear of conflict, fear of being misunderstood—turns into obligation, not genuine care.
God never coerces love from us. He invites with gentleness and freedom.
The same freedom must exist in our relationships.
Real love includes choice, and boundaries make that possible.
Practicing Hard Conversations Builds Confidence
Leslie and Diana walk through real-life examples many face during the holidays—turning down hosting, saying no to dog-sitting, or sticking to a spending limit. In each case, they model how to communicate a clear, kind, and firm “no” without over-explaining or apologizing.
These simple scripts show that clarity and compassion can absolutely coexist. And with practice, you can grow more confident in expressing your needs without guilt or fear.
You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Disappointment
One of the biggest internal obstacles to setting boundaries is the guilt that follows. But someone else’s frustration, sadness, or even manipulation doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Often, pushback exposes unhealthy dynamics more than unhealthy decisions.
“Let them have their feelings. It’s not your job to manage their emotions—it’s your job to steward your obedience to God.”
Their disappointment isn’t a sign of your failure. It’s a sign that you’re stepping out of an unhealthy pattern.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
Practical Tools to Calm the Guilt and Hold Your Boundaries
Leslie and Diana offer several helpful strategies to keep you grounded when setting boundaries feels hard:
Seek clarity with God before entering the conversation
Expect pushback so you’re not surprised by it
Use breathwork and body awareness to calm your nervous system
Let silence do the work after you express your boundary
Anchor your identity in Christ—not someone else’s approval
Use short, simple scripts to stay firm without becoming defensive
The holidays don’t have to drain you. They can be meaningful, peaceful, and joy-filled—but often that begins with the courage to set God-honoring boundaries.
If you need help navigating relational strain, boundary-setting, or holiday stress, our team at Hope Counseling would be honored to walk with you. Our licensed, clinical counselors are committed Christians with a biblical worldview and are happy to meet with you at our offices in Amherst, OH. Please feel free to contact us to schedule an appointment using the link below.
This content has been created with the assistance of an AI language model and is intended to provide general information. While the content has been reviewed by a staff member, it may not always reflect the latest developments or expert opinions. The content should not be considered as professional or personalized advice. We encourage you to seek professional guidance, preferably from one of our licensed counselors to verify the information independently before making decisions based on this content. The Word of God is always true. While we strive for accuracy in our posts, we are not infallible.